Resolve This

This is not what I would call my favorite time of year. Christmas is over, the gifts have all been opened. the pretty decorations are all going away and we are also expected to stop eating decadent goodies and drinking cocktails with candy canes hanging off the rim and instead, makes lists of all our frailties and how we are going to overcome them in the next 365 days. No pressure there.

No matter who or where you are, the resolutions are always eerily similar: lose weight, work out, stop spending $1847 a year on coffee at Starbucks. This year I decided to think out of the box and come up with some real, dig-down-deep resolutions. Ones that will really implement some lasting change.

My list of New Year's resolutions for a new and improved me in 2013:

1. Drink fewer cocktails. Undoubtedly, this will mean making my drinks stronger. It will take commitment, but I believe that with diligence and hard work, it can be done.

2. Go for quality over quantity in cases involving friends, clothes...anything except food. I am what they call a volume eater and I would rather eat 20 rice cakes than one of those stupidly small two-bite desserts that belong on the buffet table in the Barbie dream house.

3. Finally figure out who let the dogs out. Seriously, we've been wondering since, what, 2000? That's a mystery that begs to be solved.

4. Build up my biceps by increasing my cupcake curls to at least one day a week. Decide. Commit. Succeed.

5. Love, honor, cherish and obey sparkly things. I did that in 2012 and most years before, too. It's just a good rule of thumb for awesomeness.

6. I also plan to use the words hussy, jezebel and tart more often. I don't have anyone specific in mind, but they're fine words that deserve more usage. I'm sure I can find some perfect instances for these timeless terms.

7. I will wear pants with an actual button and/or waistband at least a few times a week. What with leggings, jeggings and yoga pants, it's been a stretchy clothes December. But it needs to stop or I will wind up being one of those people who get so fat they are trapped in their home and have to be cut out with the jaws of life.

8. Conversely, I am also going to resolve to spend more time in my pajamas. It's when I get out of them that things start to go awry, and I usually wish I had just stayed home, comfy and cozy and not hot-rolled.

I've shown you mine, now it's your turn. Make your own list, you hussy, and resolve to have the a New Year so happy, it will drive your enemies nuts! Go get 'em!

Happy New Year!