The Most Wonder-Full Time of the Year

Christmas is a magical time of year, full of merriment and cheer (that rhyme was unintended, and a sure signal that I may be watching too many holiday movies since I'm talking like Dr. Seuss). It's also, to paraphrase the classic carol, the most wonder-full time of the year. Something about the hectic pace, the dash to get things done, and the sheer novelty of this holiday make it full of things to muse and amuse. Let's talk about some of the real "wonders" I've encountered this season, shall we?

I wonder when one must shop at Target for Christmas merchandise, because I was there the first week  of the month (December 5, to be exact), and it was beyond picked-over...it was decimated. The aisles where holiday merchandise were supposed to exist looked like the empty houses after the Grinch stole Christmas. Sad, empty pegs hung from bare wall space; shelves were totally void of any yuletide decor. Are we supposed to go ahead and get wreaths and garland when we go in for Halloween candy, or is that too late? Back-to-school and Come Get your Yule? I'll mark my calendar.

Once I finally paged through about seven million different style and sentiment options and chose our family Christmas card this year, the website then provided the nifty option to add a photo--or ten--to the back of the card. More photos? Are you kidding me? It took a small army, a fair amount of bribery, and some proverbial blood, sweat, and tears to manage one decent photo for the front of our seasons greeting and now I need additional picture perfection for the back? I can't. After seriously contemplating going to Google Images and finding a nice stock photo, I left the back of our card blank. Use it for scrap paper, doodle your own hand-drawn version of our little family, or just enjoy the blank space, because I'm tapped out.

I wonder why we can't count Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes as a vegetable, since they are trees? Is it because compared to asparagus spears and broccoli stalks, their beautiful stripes and sprinkles make them just too beautiful and hence, hated? And don't even try to give me the argument that Christmas Tree Cakes don't have the nutritional value to be vegetables; iceberg lettuce is totally devoid of any vitamin content and it still manages to hold on to veggie status. Someone get the USDA on the phone for me, because I believe I've got a case.

This is the last time I will mention Little Debbie 
Christmas Tree Cakes this season...probably. 
In all likelihood. Almost certainly.

While we're talking about delicious snacks, I heard on the news this week that the average American gains 1.3 pounds during the holidays, specifically in the months between Halloween and Christmas. I try not to brag, but in this regard I find myself way about average. I could gain 1.3 pounds a day a week between Halloween and Christmas, which leaves me to wonder: have these "average Americans" ever heard of eggnog, Snickerdoodles, spiced pecans, or sausage balls? Because 1.3 pounds means you're doing it all wrong...it's like some of you aren't even trying.

As my to do list grows and my errands become a little frantic, I have to wonder what a great accessory the wreath Clint put on the grill of my car makes as I delve deep into the inevitable throes of holiday parking lot rage. I can only imagine that my angry, agitated face looks positively seasonable with a tiny wreath and red bow hanging below it, just a few feet away. Nothing says "get away from my parking space" quite like faux greenery attached to a car. Joy to the world, jaywalkers! Peace on earth and parallel parking! Specifically, I suppose I'm wondering: does this wreath make my "sass" look big?

Have you seen the Crest Spinbrush commercial where the children are so thrilled by the tradition of finding a new toothbrush in their stockings each year that they want to gift a Spinbrush to dear ol' Santa, too? I wonder how Crest expects anyone to believe this could actually happen? Are these children giddy over dental floss as well? Hopeful for new pairs of socks and underwear? The child actors pretending to be delighted by the discovery of a Crest Spinbrush deserve Emmy awards for that performance; I literally shudder at the thought of the mutiny that my brother and I would have ensued if we had found dental hygiene products in with our Santa haul.

New toothbrushes for Christmas! Worst. Idea. Ever.

There are plenty of other wonders, as well: I wonder what's in that box under the tree? I wonder which Christmas cookie really is the best? I wonder if Santa has any idea how good I've been this year? Time will tell about that first one and I will happily taste test my way through the research for the second. And that last wonder? Let's just say I've been naughty enough to feel nice.

Enjoy all the wonders of the season, friends!