Best-Laid Plans

I realize we have talked about my birthday quite a bit as of late, so please indulge me one last time as I mourn and say my goodbyes. Yesterday, the last day of April, was the official end of birthday month. I'm just going to come right out and tell you that this year, birthday month died a premature death. My best-laid plans went seriously awry. I managed a mere two weeks of celebrating before things took a most unexpected turn. You've heard the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Let's take a brief look at what I had planned for my month, and what turned out to be.

What I planned to do: Celebrate footloose and fancy-free in every way imaginable for the entire month of April.
What I did instead: Tripped over a lizard and my own two feet, fell down my deck steps, and broke my ankle. This was not what I had in mind when I talked about kicking up my heels.

These are the days of my life....

What I planned to do: Take a drive down to Georgia and spend Easter weekend enjoying more birthday festivities with my family, including gifts and a special Junior's cheesecake shipped all the way from New York City just for moi.
What I did instead: Took a ride in a wheelchair. Wheeeeeeeee.

What I planned to do: Get all dolled up for each of my celebratory social events, look and feel young despite turning a year older.
What I did instead: Threw on a t-shirt with a hole in the armpit and some dirty yoga pants, headed to the orthopedist, and was repeatedly called "ma'am" by my alarmingly youthful-looking physician's assistant (I seriously felt like I was stuck in a Doogie Howser, MD reboot).

What I planned to do: Wear my new, super cute designer sandals I got for my birthday.
What I did instead: Past, present, and near future, I will be limping around in a big orthopedic boot. Do I get extra style points for the compression socks I get to wear while sleeping? As for those adorable sandals, well, I will see you in six to eight weeks.

What I planned to do: Reminisce with old friends over festive dinners and drinks, sharing old memories and making new ones.
What I did instead: Whiled away my mornings reminiscing while watching Beverly Hills 90210 reruns and revisiting my memories of Brandon, Brenda, Dylan and the gang, while sipping coffee and texting friends pictures of my poor ankle swaddled in ice packs.

What I planned to do: Get ready for summer (and swimsuit season, oy) by ramping up my exercise and getting my diet under control. The end of the month was to be a time for swapping cupcakes for carrot sticks, and trading cocktails for cardio--at least most of the time.
What I did instead: Created a pity food pyramid consisting of Chex Mix, Flamin' Hot Cheetos, any and all foods that can be delivered rather than prepared, all-you-can-eat carbohydrates, and washed it all down with ice cold Diet Coke. While I've been laid up, I actually read that it's possible to need more calories while recovering from a broken bone. Right! I'm definitely swimming in my t-shirt this summer.

I only ate this deliciousness for the calcium;
get some for yourself, you know, for your bones.

Now it's time to say goodbye, birthday month. I'll keep it short and sweet, because it's almost time for my pain meds. No one is more sorry than I am that we didn't get to do all the things we imagined, but I will do my best to ready and waiting for you next year when you come around again. In fact, I'm thinking that next year I might just tack on these missed two weeks of reveling and observe my birthday for six weeks to make up for lost time...God and ankle willing. Take good care, April, until we meet again!

The party is officially over.