The CBD Experiment

I don't know if you've noticed, but CBD is the new black. Short for cannibidiol, CBD is one of the chemicals found in marijuana and hemp. Since it doesn't contain THC, it comes without the psychoactive effect, which means CBD won't get you stoned. I have had not one, but three, friends rave to me about all the wonderful effects that CBD has to offer, and it seems like every time I turn around I hear or see something else about how miraculous this supplement can be.

Each time someone extolled the virtues of CBD to me, I would come home and amazedly tell Clint that I had found yet another user; I am an admitted rule-follower, goody two-shoes, and total avoider of any kind of recreational drug, so CBD really seemed like forbidden fruit. After all, I am a person who gets nervous taking more than the recommended dosage of my gummy vitamins. I grew up with Nancy Reagan teaching me to Just Say No, and I never want to wind up like that fried egg that is a brain on drugs. Clint began to try and convince me that maybe I should give the stuff a try--since it might not only help me sleep at night, but could allegedly help mellow me out?

I'll admit, I was intrigued but insulted. Mellow out? Me? My adoring husband tells me on a frequent basis that I am an anxious person, but in my mind, I am just the right, responsible amount of worry. He barely has a pulse he's so laid-back, so one of us needs to fret over things like appointments, the budget, the weather, our health...okay, so maybe he did have a point. Plus, I will do practically anything in the name of a good night's sleep, and I've rarely met a supplement I didn't like, so I decided maybe it was time to get on board this trendy CBD-fueled train.

A store called Charlotte CBD came highly (no pun intended) recommended by multiple sources, so on Saturday we decided to brave it. Clint suggested I wear my Willie Nelson "Feeling Willie Good" shirt for our shopping venture, but I decided it made me look too overeager. We pulled into the jam-packed parking lot seeking pure cannibidiol bliss.

There are no cell phones allowed inside, so this is the only picture I got.

We entered a small waiting room, much like a (very sketchy) doctor's office, and were immediately told by the man at the window to fill out the form on one of the provided iPads. I began entering my personal information, including driver's license number and other minutia, when a lady came up and began filling out her form at the same time. I typed furiously, determined that this woman would not finish and submit her form before I did...I'm not sure why that mattered so much at the time, but it did make me briefly pause and consider that perhaps I did need something to help me relax just a bit.

After I turned in my form and showed my ID, an bouncer employee opened the door to the retail shop (but not before Clint could adamantly refuse to fill out a form for himself, holding his hands up and exclaiming, "I'm not buying anything, I don't need this, I'm just here with her!" Turncoat.), ushered us in, and told us to ask plenty of questions. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this 12 x 18 foot windowless room packed full of every age, shape, color, and size person was not it. Music blared, which I'm not sure is exactly conducive to the question asking, and a counter along each wall separated the customers from the products. On the right side of the room, there was a "bud bar" (you can't make this stuff up) where CBD coffees and teas were for sale, along with loose leaf CBD that they roll and sell. The bud bar was literally not my cup of tea, so we ventured along the left side of the room to the oil and edibles section first.

A kid who looked exactly like an extra from the movie Dazed and Confused came over to answer our questions. I'm not sure how much trust to put in a pimply faced, hat-turned-around-backward, long-haired stoner, but he mumbled a few suggestions for CBD oil and then warned me that use would cause me to fail a drug test. Oh Lord. Ever the frugal shopper, I chose the cheapest of his recommendations (Charlotte CBD proudly offers prices from $5 to $420) and a very low dose to begin: best to ease into these crazy waters than dive right in, am I right? We shuffled our way through the crowd to the area with the most shoppers, which of course was the CBD for pets section. Through the music, I could swear our cannabis consultant said the treats we had chosen were $5. As it turns out, they were $25. We walked past the gummy candies, caramels, and lollipops with our two purchases and escaped into the sunshine and blessed fresh air. 

Nirvana, here we come.

I was instructed to take a half dropper in the morning for focus and calm, and another half dropper before bed to help me sleep. I ignored the fact that my new oil tasted like a bong smells (earthy and musty and like a wet paper bag oh my), held my breath, and dutifully downed the first dose. I spent the entire next day feeling horrible: nauseated, with terrible stomach cramps and bathroom issues. I attributed the feelings to a 24-hour stomach bug, maybe food poisoning, maybe even margaritas? No, it's never the margaritas. Once I started to feel like myself again, ever the rule follower, I took another dropper of my new CBD oil. And dang it, my symptoms started right back up again. (I even had to miss a friends's birthday brunch, and we all know I do not miss a brunch).

Everyone I questioned adamantly told me there is no way that CBD could or would cause such side effects...clearly, the general population is assured that CBD is used only for good, never for evil. I ignored all of them and went to the interwebs, where I discovered that while CBD does not typically cause gastrointestinal problems, the MCT oil used as the delivery system for the CBD compound very frequently does cause issues. The recommendation? Keep taking it until your system is desensitized. Really?!? I am an obedient student, so for the next three days, I kept filling my little dropper with ash tray juice and dosing myself. I will admit, aside from the knifing pain and nausea, I did sleep better, although I had some strange and very vivid dreams. Even still, I was far more pleased with my purchase than our dog, Cotton, who acts fearful of his CBD-laced treats. Basically, every time we attempt to give him one, he flees the scene like a junkie caught in an undercover sting. We've calculated that each of the treats cost us about $1, so if he doesn't start eating them, one of us is going to have to get them down. Waste not, want not.

My verdict after this CBD experiment? I'm glad it works wonders for so many people, but as is often the occasion, I guess I'm just not most people. I think I will toss my bottle of hemp healing and just go back to my old uptight, occasionally sleepless, impatient, Nancy Reagan reared ways. It may be called Mother Nature's Xanax, but I don't think I'm woman enough for the CBD high life.

Now this seems reasonable: for use during high stress situations.