Quarantine

I'm wearing jeans today. Normally, I don't consider that an accomplishment, but in these times of social distancing, staying home, sheltering in place--whatever you want to call it--donning any pair of real pants that don't have an elastic waistband feels like dressing up. It hasn't even been two full weeks yet since North Carolina began closing down and isolating, but it feels like this strange way of life has been going on forever. I'm feeling pretty mean, not so lean, and very much in quarantine.

This coronavirus pandemic has changed all of our lives to some kind of surreal alternate universe. People are working from home, schools are out indefinitely, and toilet paper has become the hottest product of the year. 2020 has officially gone off the rails. As you may know, I'm a housewife, so the working from home part was already part of my norm. Only now I am joined by my hubby and of course, our new addition to the family in the form of a five pound furball of puppy fury named Charlie. We're circling each other like angry sharks up in here.

So far, we are coping moderately well. There has been a fair share of eye-rolling, deep sighs, and plenty of prayer...and that's just on my end. I'm doing my best to stay in some kind of routine, although a pretty pathetic one at that. Most days are low ponytail days (I save my flat iron for special occasions like Friday or a super fun trip to the half-empty grocery store). I'm still wearing makeup, but I switched to my backup, drugstore stash because I can't bear the thought of wasting good mascara on a quarantine. (I had a friend tell me she hasn't worn makeup in days. For me, it's at least some way to distract and entertain myself, so don't be surprised if you see me out for a walk with a smoky eye and winged eyeliner...I'm bored). Clint, on the other hand, has gone the opposite route: although he still gets up at his usual zero dark thirty time, his work attire frequently consists of his decade-old Homer Simpson pajama pants and the ever-growing "Corona-beard" he is growing in honor of this occasion. He aims to shower by lunch. To each their quarantine own.

Desperate to entertain ourselves, checking the mail has become quite the fun outing every day. If I keep online shopping the way I have been, Clint is going to need a second job to support my COVID19 buying. As of this point, I am the economic stimulus. I've bought outdoor patio cushions, a fireplace screen, a pair of Golden Girls pajamas (those are clearly a need, not a want), and lots and lots of puppy supplies. Clint has installed a brand new mailbox and is designing (more) custom shelving for his side of the closet, plus there has been talk of aerating and seeding the outskirts of our yard. We may add on to the house just for something to do. Maybe we need a third story?

Speaking of puppy supplies, Charlie, on the other hand, is living his best dog life. He has both his humans confined almost all of the time and no shortage of attention for all his antics. We are walking him at least once a day to keep the walls from closing in and to feel some sunshine on our down-turned faces. The neighbors, who are as stir crazy as we are, can't get enough of the little guy so he is gaining quite a collection of friends as well. Who wouldn't want to be shut in with a nipping, biting, chewing, frenzied, crazy puppy? Ah, these are the days. And I have the bite marks to prove it.

This guy is fully enjoying the effects of social distancing.

We have worked on puzzles, organized closets, cooked, cleaned, and watched some really questionable TV shows and movies (Tiger King, anyone?). I'm exercising every morning just for something else to do, although I'm not sure it can hold off all the snacks we are using to self-medicate. Oh, the snacks. I've decided if there is ever a need to ration our food supply, we are goners. We buy bigger sizes of snack foods and lie to ourselves "this way it will last longer." Hint: it does not last longer. Cheetos and Chex Mix and candy, oh my. All of a sudden, it's Reese's Easter egg season and the gyms are all closed. Summer is going to be quite a sight to behold, y'all.

How to spend a spring Saturday, coronavirus edition.

I read a preacher's thoughts on our current situation and he intimated that we are being taught a lesson in slowing down, not depending on busyness, and learning to spend quality time together again. To that, I would say: I'm a quick learner! I get it. I'll slow down, I'll be less busy, I'll stay home more. Just don't make it mandatory. I am an extroverted face toucher and these times are not my forte. I miss the mall, the nail salon, and running errands. I am a creature of habit and routine and the coronavirus has wreaked chaos.

This too, shall pass. In the meantime, I'm trying my best to wear real pants on occasion and keep my kitchen snack visits down to once an hour, or I might not fit through the door when we are able to leave the house. I wish you health, good fortune, and plenty of binge worthy shows in the meantime. I'll stay six feet away from you when I see you in the toilet paper aisle. Stay well!

Just a helpful quarantine guideline.

For Whom the Belle Tolls COVID-19 Response

I've gotten a slew of emails from any and every business I've ever so much as glanced at sideways about how they are responding to this COVID-19 epidemic (or the coronavirus in case you're lucky enough not to know) and so I thought it might be time for me to let you all know how this belle is reacting to the situation. Eye. Roll. I turned on the news this morning and the only things discussed for the entirety of an hour were the weather (more rain coming, no surprise there) and the virus outbreak. It got so monotonous I had to put on a throwback episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 and drink my coffee viewing simpler times. (Kelly got shot and had amnesia and it was still less dramatic than all these health updates.)

People are panicking. Schools are closing, events are cancelled, sports are on indefinite hiatus, spring break is in shambles. I went to a cocktail dinner last night when a man (I cannot bring myself to call him a gentleman because of what I will tell you next) refused to shake hands but insisted on something he called an "elbow bump" as a form of greeting. When it seems like the world around you is losing its collective cool, let me remind you of this: Southerners do not panic (well, except in cases of snow, but I digress). Southern belles, in particular, do not let their fear get the better of them. Ask yourself, what would Scarlett do? She would tear down those velvet drapes and make herself a ball gown! Or a face mask...whichever. My point is that at no time would she cower in fear to a disease whose symptoms include a runny nose and sneezing.

We have all been encouraged to wash our hands frequently, avoid touching our faces, and to use good personal hygiene. Well, honey. I hope for the sake of your upbringing that you were doing these things already, and if not: coronavirus be damned, do it in the name of manners and common sense. Wash your hands like you've just finished eating barbecue ribs at a picnic and now it's time to smooth the wrinkles out of your white sundress. Don't touch your face because it will make your lovely skin breakout. Don't stand too close to strangers because frankly, that's weird. Surely we didn't need a pandemic to teach us that.

I'm also baffled as to why toilet paper and toothpaste are being hoarded? In the event that we all come down with this sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching plague and go into quarantine, what are you going to do with 517 rolls of Charmin? Roll your own yard for entertainment? Brush your teeth into oblivion? If you must hoard, at least get the good stuff that can be used to keep occupied and content while you're confined to your quarters: hoard junk food, gossip magazines, cocktail mixers, booze. Better yet, hoard some common sense because it is in exceedingly short supply.

We need clarity in these crazed days. Cleanliness is next to godliness, we are above hoarding practices, and if you look good, you feel good. Which brings me to my next point: if you must don a protective face mask, help ease the suffering in the world around you during this precarious time by at least putting on a little eye makeup. Give them something else to look at besides your surgical face equipment. Try a statement earring, or if you are too weak to exert any real type of cosmetic effort, draw a pair of lips on that mask and put your best corona-face forward. After all, as every Southern woman knows, "everyone looks better with a little color."

This is me, two years ago, seeing my doctor because I had the flu.
While it's not my best look, you will note I did at least compensate with an attractive earring and two coats of mascara.

And so there you have it. While the rest of the world wrings their hands and attempts to turn tequila into hand sanitizer (such a waste of good margarita ingredients), act like a belle and stand strong. If we can survive ebola, anthrax, and three years of the tv show Jersey Shore, we can get through this one, too. After all, in case you haven't heard: tomorrow is another day.

Meet Charlie: A New Puppy Post

We said goodbye to our long-loved dog, Cotton, back in January, and have been pretty sad and pitiful ever since. Not only has it been awfully quiet around here, no one particularly cares when we come home after being away, and Clint and I have been forced to actually talk to each other rather than to the dog. Our house just isn't home without a dog in it, so we began the search for a new furry little sidekick to fill the void.

Let me start right off by saying that there will be other dogs, and they will be adored, but there will never be another Cotton. That dog was scrappy, he was joyful, and he was amazing. He was our first dog, and I don't think there will ever be a day we don't miss that little guy. The day before we went to pick up our new addition, I started feeling somewhat guilty that it seemed like we were searching for a replacement. Clint's aunt offered the wisdom that we shouldn't think of a new dog as a replacement at all, but rather as Cotton's little brother. Let me just say that after knowing the new dog for four whole days, I think Cotton would approve. Without further ado, let me introduce our new three-pound bichon frise, Charlie!

We picked up "Charming Charlie" on Saturday. He is eight weeks old.

It has been a whirlwind adjusting to life with a puppy after having our senior dog for so long; Charlie is a curious, mischievous guy and into everything. I'm not sure I've had the chance to sit down since he arrived, but he gives lots of puppy kisses and is eager to please. Bichons were originally bred to perform as circus dogs, and with this guy, it shows. He is a total clown.

He is full of energy and loves his new backyard.

The new guy isn't much help with chores, except for eating the laundry while we try to fold.

At eight weeks, Charlie is teething and loves to nip and chew and bite...everything!

It's going to be a good life, Charlie, and I think you know it.

We are doing our best to keep our new family member entertained. He is very into any kind of jewelry and he loves playing with people's hair (he and I are obviously kindred spirits). His trainer was impressed with his bravery, and we have also noticed he has a flair for being dramatic when the occasion arises (again, Charlie, I'm with you). We have enjoyed lots of tug-of-war, worn ourselves out playing chase, and had our hearts melted once this little ball of chaos finally collapses for a power nap. The breeder gave us a week to return him for a full refund, but I'm pretty sure this one's a keeper. We will love him even more when he's potty trained!

On cue, Charlie is chewing on my laptop computer as I type, so it's clearly time for another puppy game of some sort. I'm sure this is the first of many times you will hear about our new companion, and I can almost guarantee there will be plenty of Charlie antics to come. (He and I have already managed to lock ourselves out of the house this week. In the rain. At 7:30 a.m. when I was in my pajamas, so there's that). The adventure continues!

Being this cute helps you get away with lots of mischief!