The same way that I will never star in I Shouldn't Be Alive, there are also certain things I will probably never hear during the course of my lifetime. These things are just anti-Susie, and so the odds of them happening are about as good as my winning an Alaskan dog sled race. It's possible, but I wouldn't make any bets. And so, friends, here is a brief list of words least likely to be uttered in my direction:
Aren't you going to finish all of your food? I don't think anyone has ever asked me this, and I'm fairly certain they never will. For better or worse, I'm a lifelong member of the clean plate club. Even if I don't particularly like something, the odds are good that I'll still eat it. After all,
Do you want a refill on your Pepsi? This one is so integral that it bears mentioning again. Remember those Pepsi Challenge commercials in the '80s? Blindfolded taste testers would sample both Coke and Pepsi, and devout Coca Cola lovers would wind up choosing the taste of Pepsi every single time? I'm going to go ahead and call that false advertising, because there's no way it could ever happen. I accept no substitution or impostors for the cold, delicious refreshment that is Diet Coke. Anything else is an inferior product, and life is too short for that.
Where did you find that polo shirt? I don't believe I have ever willingly owned a unisex item of clothing (summer internships that forced me into collared knit shirts and khaki pants be damned). I can't be me in an outfit that could also belong to a sixteen year old boy, and that includes boat shoes, bomber jackets, sweater vests, and the like. My husband swears I don't like any article of clothing that doesn't either have a ruffle or a sparkle, and I'm okay with that reputation.
I'll probably also never get word that I've won a Nobel Prize, and I'm certain no one will ever ask me for advice on carpentry or cross country anything, as wood working and endurance sports are also not my forte. We all have our roles to play, so I will finish this Diet Coke, curl and spray my hair to withstand gale force winds, and keep on not being shy or quiet or hungry, for that matter. And as for these four-inch, platform, ankle strap wedges? Hey, if the shoe fits.