Tuesday, July 12, 2016

National Bikini Day

In case you missed your chance to celebrate, July 5 was National Bikini Day. Why this particular celebration would fall the day after a long holiday weekend when millions of Americans head back to work after spending time by the pool, lake, and beach is beyond me. I was oblivious to this spandex festivity, and I'm happy to admit that, considering I had polished off a half pint of Ben and Jerry's on what I now realize to have been Bikini Day Eve. It was not until I logged onto social media and saw the trending hashtag that I was clued in that a celebration was (allegedly) taking place. That said, I have to confess: as much as I love a holiday, all these national days that seem to have sprung up out of nowhere leave me a bit perplexed.

It could be said without any exaggeration that I am not a morning person. I can't watch anything cerebral or informative in the morning, before caffeine has flooded my system and I start firing on at least some of my cylinders. And so, I start each day with a stumble to the couch with my Eggo breakfast sandwich and Diet Coke and collapse in front of the Today Show for some mindless entertainment. Practically every morning without fail, I am notified by the good Today team of yet another national day. And just as often, the occasion is more of a cause for confusion than celebration. How did this start? Why? And who is picking these inane topics and deeming them worthy of a day of national celebration?

Do we really need National Talk in an Elevator Day (July 29)? National Bobblehead Day was just begging to be a thing (that one's January 7 if you need to mark you calendar)? Are people getting excited at the prospect of celebrating National Moldy Cheese Day on October 9?

Did you know there is a National Argyle Day? Do you really want to take your fashion sense back thirty years by celebrating it?  I blatantly refuse to accept National Oatmeal Day as anything other than a cruel joke, and don't even get me started on May 13's boisterous occasion: National Fruit Cocktail Day. I'll give you my proxy, and my soggy, weird looking grapes--please enjoy.

I have no idea where this phenomenon came from, or the criteria for something to be selected, but clearly the bar is low. After doing a little research on a rabbit hole  website called nationaldaycalendarcom, I discovered not only does every day have something to celebrate, the majority of days have more than one theme. Let's just take a look at any random date--I used April 13 purely for kicks, and discovered that seemingly uneventful date is in fact National Peach Cobbler Day, National Scrabble Day, and National Thomas Jefferson Day. That's a lot commemorating to get to in the course of 24 hours! I talked that conundrum over with the hubs and we concluded that the only (ahem) logical thing to do on such an occasion would be to don some Revolutionary era costumes and spell out T-H-O-M-A-S-J on the ol' Scrabble board while eating cobbler. Makes perfect sense, right?

There are a few days that I'm just not sure you can celebrate without accomplices, so before it's April 16 and you are giddily commuting in your bunny slippers because it's National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day, you might want to make sure your boss and coworkers are on board, too. February 28 has been declared National Public Sleeping Day--a day where we are encouraged to nap on benches, desks, and public transportation as the mood strikes. I guess you'd better hope it's also National Pickpockets Day Off, or that could get dicey.

As the yuletide season gets underway, December is chock full of holidays you might not have even known to observe. Find some friends and let Calgon take you away on December 5 for something called Bathtub Party Day, and then get your flux capacitor tuned up for Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day on December 8. I knew the world had gone crazy, but this is a new level, friends.

Of course, there are a few of these national days that are exceptionally worthy of commendation. National Taco Day, which officially falls on October 4, should be every day. I'm a particular fan of National Housewife's Day on November 3; I wish I had been aware of that auspicious occasion sooner but you can bet I will be there with bells on this year when November rolls around. Sunday (July 10) was National Pina Colada Day, and while I'm very much a fan of the frozen concoction, I'm just not sure it warrants a national holiday. Our entire nation needs to celebrate the pina colada collectively? As in, Earl from Idaho! Get down off that tractor, because Eleanor's made up a batch of pina coladas! And yet, if we must....

I don't know where it all came from, but as you are too keenly aware, there are much worse things happening in the world. So maybe check the calendar and plan your festivities accordingly. Spoiler alert: National Nude Day is right around the corner. So is National Beans 'n' Franks Day...and I'm not making any of that up, pinky swear. I'll leave it up to you how best to celebrate.