Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Lest We Forget

Wherever you are celebrating Thanksgiving this week, you will probably take a moment to pause over your overflowing plate of turkey and trimmings and ponder some things that make you especially grateful. And when that subject comes up, we can pretty much all agree that we're thankful for the warm embrace of kith and kin, for hearth, health, and home, for pumpkin spice lattes, jumping into piles of fall leaves, and for all the joys of the season.

Those are fantastic, but they are the obvious ones--the tip of the iceberg (or cornucopia, if you prefer). There are some lesser-listed joys that are too often overlooked during the counting of our blessings. Let's dig a little deeper, lest we forget some of the other pretty special gifts we've been given. Allow me to present you with a few things for which you may have forgotten to be thankful (or at least tell you why I love them so).

To begin, let's all bow our heads and give a moment of gratification for any and all awkward silences at family gatherings. These are particularly thanks-inducing because they beat the cornbread stuffing out of all the other chatter that could otherwise be going on. I much prefer the sound of silverware grating on plates than the status of Aunt Gladys's gallstones or Uncle Bob's bunions. Silence really is golden, and for that, we are most thankful.

I'd like to take another pause to express my gratitude for all those ever-delicious, very popular right now gourmet cupcakes. Thank you for having twice the frosting of ordinary cake, yet somehow seeming smaller and thus making me feel half as guilty. And in flavors like red velvet, Kentucky bourbon pie, s'mores, and chocolate salted caramel, you always keep me guessing. Don't mind if I do.

After that round of applause for cupcakes, I would be remiss not to mention my deep appreciation for Spanx. Since 2000, those miracle underpinnings have been holding it all in and keeping it looking smooth and slim. I battle to get you on, and cannot wait to peel you off, but in between, the things we have accomplished together! Thank God for you, wonder workers! And let's not forget about Spanx for men (or Manx as I like to call them). Boys, you can turn that beer gut into buff stuff instantly by slipping on a Spanx undershirt. Yes, they're supposed to fit that tight. No, you shouldn't be able to take a deep breath. Welcome to the world in which we women have always lived.

I could never list the things that fill my heart with gladness without including the shopping carts at Walmart with four working wheels, capable of all moving in the same direction. These are few and far between, almost mythical in existence, but when I manage to score one that will work with me rather than having to drag the entire cart around the store like a mule with a plow, I feel grateful. I feel even more grateful when I see the EXIT sign and I leave the store, but you already knew that.

What about all those trendy places photographers are taking pictures now? That is a fancy shot--how did your couch get out in the middle of that field? Is it safe to be posing inside that huge drain pipe? It makes me thankful that I grew up in an era where family portraits happened on rolls of backdrop paper with studio props like footstools and fake rocks and not on the railroad tracks, beside an abandoned, graffiti-covered warehouse, sitting on a steamer trunk.

I am also much obliged to Netflix. I mean, no, Netflix doesn't have any current movies that are really worth watching. But for $8.57 a month, it does give you the ability to binge-watch Family Ties, Jem and the Holograms, and Melrose Place (classic 1992 version, of course). It's like a time machine that can transport you back to simpler times--times when television was more about Alex P. Keaton and less about John Q. Reality Star. Ah, those were the days.

Last, but certainly not least, I wait with rapt anticipation for Duck Dynasty's Christmas special, Duck the Halls. Thank heavens we will be able to celebrate Christmas with a brood of bearded men in camouflage (although if you're from my hometown in northeast Georgia, this might have already been a given for you). The Duck Dynasty Christmas special airs 12.11.13 and I, for one, am full of thanks.

No matter what gives you bliss, we can agree we all have a bounty of blessings to appreciate. Whether it's the fact that leggings are in style and thus make wearing an elastic waistband a real fashion moment, or that feeling you get from your first swig of caffeine in the morning, or that Days of Our Lives comes on five days a week for your (guilty) viewing pleasure, take a moment and be thankful. Then, roll up your sleeves, have the Rolaids at the ready, and get to it.

Happy Thanksgiving, pilgrim!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Remember: brains and looks will only take you so far, but flattery will get you everywhere.