PDA: Pretty Dang Awful

A few years ago, we took an amazing trip to Italy. While we were in Venice, our tour group broke into smaller factions and decided to see the city by gondola. One of our travel companions reluctantly joined Clint and I in our little boat, cringing that she felt like she was crashing someone's honeymoon by going with us. I assured Mary that I was raised Southern Baptist, and we don't even really acknowledge each other in public, much less get romantic. It doesn't matter how many people are in our gondola, because Clint and I are not people who embrace (no pun intended) PDA: the all-too-common public display of affection.

Here we are on our non-touchy feely gondola ride (Mary isn't pictured
because she captured this moment for us).

Let me make sure I fully illustrate to you how little ooey, gooey show of emotion there is between my husband and me: we have been married for seventeen years--eighteen in December!--and we are more than secure in our relationship. We love each other, but there's no need to make everyone else watch it. Kissing, hand holding, canoodling...not for public consumption. We are more likely to give each other a playful shove, a punch on the arm, or an eye roll. We don't write each other flowery love notes (okay, maybe on a special anniversary once in a blue moon), and after all these years, I think that sometimes Clint forgets I'm actually a girl. Case in point: the last blog post that I wrote was about our diet, and my nutrition coach not only read it, he sent me a very kind text message afterward about it. Heart warmed, I sent the text from my coach to Clint, who responded...well, here's a screen shot below so you can see for yourself:

That last line is what I want you to notice; particularly, the word "bromance." According to dictionary.com, a bromance is a close relationship, similar to a romance but platonic, between two MEN. The only problem with that is I am not a dude! And I would like to think my adoring spouse knows this. I believe this bromance incident just goes to show that we are definitely not the public display of affection type of couple.

That's not to say the rest of the world feels the same way. In fact, we frequently find ourselves exchanging amused/disgusted/bewildered glances at the things we see other couples do and say in the plain view of the general public. We know another couple (friends of our friends) who actually hold hands when we go to dinner...while we are all eating. I can't imagine loving someone so much that I would give up the ability to knife and fork my meal, but apparently, these love birds can't go through appetizers, entrees, and the possibility of dessert without hand holding one another. They are not newlyweds, so we can't use that as their excuse, either. I suppose we should be thankful they can stay in their own chairs and no lap sitting is required, not that I would stay to witness it. I have to give it to them, they are good for my diet: watching their clasped hands during my dinner is an excellent appetite suppressant.

Just this past Friday night, I made a stop by the Redbox inside our neighborhood grocery store to see if there might be any movie worth renting for the weekend. While I waited, the guy (I can't bring myself to call him a gentleman) in front of me treated his date to a neck and shoulder massage as she perused the DVD titles. They took a break from reading movie plots to kiss and then nuzzle each other. I could not believe my eyes, and I could not stand there another second, even for the sake of a $1.29 movie. I realize the Redbox process is sexy, but contain yourselves, people. Moments like those were made for Netflix.

If you find yourself, like me, longing to retreat from the public throes of passion, I have to warn you that not even social media is safe these days. It seems enamored couples are getting a little too social--without fail, my newsfeed is regularly littered with lovey dovey posts to boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, and the like. I am, quite frankly, baffled by this kind of behavior. What prevents these posters from simply turning to the person that they claim to adore so much and telling them in person? A phone call can be an excellent and private way to convey this message if there is distance involved, and best of all, it rarely involved uncomfortable witnesses. It is more meaningful if it's said through Facebook, in front of your family, friends, acquaintances, and a few people you aren't even sure how you know who are in your online circle of friends anyway? Do we all need to bear witness to the fact that this person is your heart, your soulmate, your world, the one you are so happy you "get to do life with?" Ugh. I think I'm breaking out in hives just typing that...even from here, it's too close for comfort. I really think the sentiment would be much more sincere one on one, without your sixth grade Social Studies teacher's husband scrolling through and getting involved.

Please do not involve me in your social media romantic sentiments. I'm allergic.

The point I am hoping to make is simply that PDA is pretty dang awful for all of us involuntarily involved. Love makes the world go 'round, but out in the open it makes the rest of us want to get off the ride. By all means, be passionate, adoring, infatuated, smitten; just enjoy all of that from the comfort of your own home rather than at the dinner table in your favorite restaurant, or Lord help us all, aisle three of the grocery store. Channel that energy until you two are alone, and then focus on each other without the rest of the world looking on and distracting you. Just make sure you don't accidentally call your lovely wife a dude. I hear that women really hate that.