Thursday, November 8, 2012

Amazon Woman

My friends and family have casually labeled me OCD. I prefer to say that I am highly organized, passionate, and dedicated to keeping things the way they ought to be. In any case, I have become "passionate" lately about my love of Why leave the comfort of home when you can buy anything--and I mean anything your little heart desires--on Amazon and have it brought right to your door?

In the past few months, I have bought books, jellybeans, an exercise jump mat, shoes, vacuum cleaner filters, and DVDs, to name a few. Amazon will even compare prices for you, so you're actually saving money by spending money (professional shoppers: you know what I mean).

Last week, Clint asked me if I would go to Sears and get lawn mower tires. Because that sounds like something that would be right up my alley. Clearly. Besides lawn mower tires, you know what they have at Sears that I like? Nothing.

So my answer was no, I will not drive 20 minutes to a  hardware store someone tried to disguise by placing it in a mall. I will log on to my old trusty friend and score the lawn mower tires at a frugal price without ever leaving my house. Then, in 5-7 business days, Rodney the UPS man (shout out to Rodney!) will deliver them directly into my hot little hands. Everyone is happy, and we are giving Rodney job security. It's impossible not to feel good about that purchase.

Whatever you have in mind, I'll bet they have it. Skeptical? Challenge accepted. Here are a few of the more unusual items (in addition to the usual batteries, sports bras, and lamp shades) you can find on this super site:

For $39.95, how about some uranium (back away, clearly states for educational purposes only. Duh.):

Let's say your neighbors are the ones ordering the uranium and you don't believe it is for a 5th grade book report. Trade in your minivan for this tank, available on Amazon for the bargain price of $19,995:
Note: at the time of publication, the tank was out of stock. However, it did receive an average of 4 out of 5 stars after being reviewed by 259 Amazon customers, so maybe keep checking back.
What about splurging and spending $9.99 on some canned unicorn meat? What a lovely stocking stuffer for the upcoming holidays:
It's a dismembered plush unicorn, stuffed in a can. You can't eat it, but imagine the delight on the face of the recipient of this gift. And again, you need not get out of your pajamas to make this happen.
One in ten Americans believe they have seen a UFO. Don't take a chance on missing out--at $74.95, this UFO detector will give you the priceless peace of mind in knowing that you will be instantly notified when a UFO may be in your area. You can tell by looking at this high tech piece of equipment that it is pure quality:
There you have it. Those are just a sampling of Amazon's awesome offerings. Go ahead, make a wish and let the Amazon genie grant it for you.
They say it's a jungle out there. I say, as long at it's the Amazon, it's a piece of cake.

1 comment:

  1. I am a complete and total Amazon Slut. I even tried -- REALLY TRIED -- this year to order Christmas gifts from other sites, particularly on Small Business Saturday. But I got so frustrated that at the end of the day, I still went back and bought from Amazon. And like you, I've found some cuh-razy things on it ... but they always have what I need. Well, almost.


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