Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Tricky Situation

Let me begin by saying I love a holiday. I dye our food green for St. Patrick's Day, still hunt eggs at Easter, drink margaritas on Cinco de Mayo, and don't even get me started on my love of Christmas.

But I will confess: I have become a Halloween Scrooge. Or does that make me a witch? I digress.

When we bought our house seven years ago, I was thrilled at the prospect of trick-or-treaters. Finally! I was determined, as is my nature, to make our house the ultimate destination for treats. And so it began. In Halloweens past, we've given out tons of candy and even thrown in party favors like bubbles, spider rings, Chinese yo-yos...our house was the best trick-or-treat stop on the block. Let's not forget the year we had a witch with a "smoking" cauldron (fog machine) out on our front lawn.

But the last few years, I started to wonder if this was really the holiday fun I thought it would be. For starters, the candy is expensive. I'm talking dinner out or a spa pedicure kind of money, and I'm spending it on kids with confectionery entitlement issues in sub par costumes. If your costume costs less than I spent on candy, I reserve the right to eat the spoils myself. Boo-bye.

The little candy snatchers come early. And often. My sixteen pound fur-covered ball of canine chaos thinks the doorbell is his mortal enemy. The pattern becomes: doorbell rings, dog goes berserk, hand out candy, calm down dog, Wait two minutes. Repeat. After a few hours of all this supposed fun, this Halloween hoopla starts to wear thin.

And then: last year, I did it. I only bought candy for two. We turned off the porch lights, hid inside and ate chocolatey, sugary goodness while watching my favorite scary movies. The dog slept peacefully in the floor and all was right with the world.

I bought enough candy for the neighborhood this year, but I still haven't decided if we will treat or trick. We've already put a huge dent in the candy supply and I refuse to buy more. We've been trying to tell ourselves that we are not literally taking candy from babies by using the excuse "kids don't like this candy--no kids eat Kit Kats. Or Butterfinger. Or <insert awesome candy goodness name here>. " We are eating the stuff like it will never come our way again (I may or may not have gone so far as to add a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup to a protein shake this week. It may or may not have been delicious.). I'm dreading the invasion of the candy snatchers.
So if the lights are off, the doorbell goes unanswered, and you don't get candy at my house, now you know why. Go ahead, toilet paper our yard. As soon as I finish eating this fun size Snickers bar, I'll get right to cleaning it up.

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