Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Pin It to Me

Before I collapse into an exhausted, frustrated heap on my sofa, I need to get this off my chest: Pinterest has to be a very elaborate trick, orchestrated at the expense of the ambitious and naive. I mean, seriously, who needs to make homemade Almond Joy bars? Can't you buy one of those at a gas station for 79 cents and be on your merry way? Why are we all so busy pinning ways to reinvent the wheel?

I am particularly susceptible to their seasonal tortures. It's just too much to resist. Candy Corn Bark was today's Pinterest punishment. Didn't it turn wonderfully?

Frick no, it did not turn out wonderfully. It is a crumbly, sticky mess of grainy candy corn that even I won't eat...and that is saying something. The only things I don't eat are beets, mincemeat, food on the bone, and now candy corn bark.

What are the ingredients? After an hour of work and a solid coating of white chocolate on my person, I will tell you it composed entirely of evil, cruelty and b.s. Sound tasty? You know where I got the recipe.

And as I marched the entire batch out to the trash can in our garage, I passed Clint doing yard work. He took a look at the white chocolate spatters, my red face, furrowed brow and paused to raise an eyebrow. I yelled "freaking Pinterest!" And he nodded and went right back to work. No further explanation necessary.

Now that I have fully vented my candy corn induced frustration, I'm off to find my yoga pants and a glass of wine. And then I need to pin some meditation techniques.

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Remember: brains and looks will only take you so far, but flattery will get you everywhere.