Friday, November 2, 2012

Craigslist Crazies

Several weeks ago, I decided to sell Clint's brown leather "man chair" recliner. We are redecorating our den and the poor chair has no place to go and no one ever sits in it. I thought Craigslist could help find the chair a good home, and pad my pockets with a little extra spending money. I created a listing with a couple of pictures of the recliner, measurements, and a description. Easy breezy.

What I didn't realize, since this was my initiation into the world of Craigslist, is that a post will bring out the absolute crazy in people. And it doesn't do much to enhance people's intelligence, either. I got a flood of emails, most of which only said "Is the chair still for sale?"

The email I got from "Kevin" took the cake, though. And I have to hand it to him, he inspired me to respond and get all my frustrations out. The initial email from potential chair buyer Kevin is below, followed by my response. This is completely true and unaltered; I have only edited Kevin's identifying details to protect the colossally insane.

From: Kevin
Subject: Leather chair for sale
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2012 13:09:37
The chair looks nice. I have some questions.
Is it still available?

How old is it?

How often was it used? Every night in front of the TV?
Why are you selling it?

Would you consider taking less? This is a little bit out of my price range?
What town do you live in?

Best Regards,


Ph: 704-XXX-XXXX

Now you've met Kevin. A no doubt lovely individual with an inquisitive spirit. Now, my response to this fine fellow:

To: Kevin
Subject: Leather chair for sale
Date: Thu, 20 Sep 2012 14:39:47

Dear Kevin,

Wow. You certainly seem to be a very thorough, savvy buyer. Let me attempt to answer your questions regarding the chair:

1. As of now, the chair is still available, although I have received several wonderful emails from individuals such as yourself expressing interest.

2. A quality leather recliner such as this one is, like an inquisitively minded gentleman, timeless. Age is just a number, after all.

3. The chair has never been used in front of the TV, as I cannot afford one. Perhaps once I sell it....

4. I decided to sell the recliner for numerous reasons, all of which you deserve to know. First, the aforementioned need of a television set looms large. Second, for many years I thought that was my roommate's chair and she used it constantly. However, I was recently diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and it turns out that no one has been using the chair and it was all in my mind. Hopefully the right combination of medication can free up some more unnecessary furniture. And the biggest reason is that the last time my mother-in-law visited, she sat in the recliner and stated that it was so comfortable, she never wanted to leave it. I put it up for sale as soon as she stood up and got out of it.

5. I am sorry it is out of your price range. I can offer you a 0% interest lay-a-way plan if you can have it paid in full by Christmas. Asking price was $350, however, for you, the price is $400. I need to make a dime for my time and you have been quite time consuming for someone looking for a bargain.

6. My ad states that I live in South Charlotte. However, due to the responses the ad is generating I believe I must either be in the Twilight Zone or bordering on the suburbs of CrazyTown.

I certainly hope this helps you with your furniture buying process.
All the best,

P.S. Thank you for including your phone number. I will be sure to suggest that if anyone is looking for a good time, call.

Much to my surprise, I never heard back from Kevin. I was forced to sell the recliner to a far less curious buyer a few days later. My chair sold to the highest bidder, but don't you worry: my sarcasm is absolutely free. 






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