Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Don't Sweat(er) It

The holidays are upon us. It's almost time to untangle that 10 lb. ball of lights you threw in the attic last year, open those thoughtful gifts we will all be waiting in long lines the week after Christmas to return, spike the eggnog, and break into your best heartfelt rendition of Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer. I love all of it. One of my favorite things this time of year are the Christmas sweaters: the tackier, sparklier, more bedazzled the better. I people watch in anticipation, just waiting for some spectacular yuletide yarnage to walk by and set the holiday mood in motion.

Now it's confession time: I'm not just an admirer. There is a small section of a guest room closet with more beads, sequins and rhinestone embellishments than a Michael's craft store. I still own some tacky Christmas sweaters. I'm saving them for either one of those yuppie sweater parties, or in the unlikely event that they come back in style. Hey, I love holidays and I love sparkly things. These sweaters are right up my rhinestone encrusted alley.

Exhibit A: Sleigh (and sweater) Full of Santas:

I know what you're thinking: my God, that is a magnificent piece of wearable art. The owner of such an avant-gard item no doubt knows their way around a pair of shoulder pads and an Ogilvy home perm. Yes, it has a fur collar and detachable fur cuffs (which are not pictured, because I couldn't find them. I hope Clint hasn't squirreled them away for himself this holiday season). And it is a cardigan. And it ages the wearer by 30 years. Those Santas? Go all the way around. The photo doesn't even capture the fact that the beards are sparkly. It's a party coming and going. And I'm keeping it in deep storage, just in case. Kris Kringle is ready to mingle.

Exhibit B: The Sassy Spruce Sweater

Again, I seem unable to bypass a faux fur collar. The lure of marabou is too much to resist. I'm not sure why there are sequins radiating out of the trunk of the tree, but apparently, that is how evergreens roll in the world of high fashion. This sweater can take you from the freezer section at the grocery store, 'round the punch bowl at your office party and back home again in stunning style. Be the envy of the carpool line and make an entrance at the neighborhood cookie swap. Don't hate.

But the next one is really my sequin pride and joy. My family anticipates it coming out into the light of day each year, and it's become as much a tradition as the Thanksgiving Day Parade, cranberry sauce shaped like the can, or turkey and dressing. Get out your shades, because Thanksgiving future is about to get bright.

Exhibit C: The Glitzy Gobbler:

Oh yes, it's as glamorous as a turkey can get. Say what you will about the tacky Christmas ones, but I think we can all agree that this bedazzled beauty just rocks. What better way to give thanks and count your blessings than to razzle dazzle 'em? Fab-u-lous!

I will wear my beloved turkey sweater until every last sequin falls off  (and judging by the fact that there are approximately 13 billion of them, it may be a while). Even my in laws look better when bathed in the warm glow of multicolor sequins. They don't tell you in the history books that the first Thanksgiving at Plymouth Rock, the Pilgrim women totally rocked holiday sweaters.

So pass the potatoes and give me an extra helping of sparkle. I'm feeling festive and I've got the wardrobe to prove it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!


  1. I just LOVE you! You totally crack me up. Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving--just don't blind anyone! LOL Actaully, I'm a "closet" sequiner too! Sista Love, Rhonda Murray Ginn

  2. I'm crying..........literally tears and hysterics. I got an ab workout just laughing.

    Happy Thanksgiving! Keep writing!

    Erika S:)

  3. that Thanksgiving sweater is AMAZING. love love love these fur collars.

  4. I just saw that Christmas Tree Sweater and I am a FOOL for maribou, Christmas Trees and sequins .. this reminds me of my 1960's childhood .. where did you get that and I was trying to read the name on the tag but I can't quite get it .. I would LOVE to try to find one .

    1. I'm almost positive the sweater is made by Bellepointe--they are a fantastic "tacky" sweater resource :) I live in Charlotte and bought it here years ago, when they were still really in style--I hope you find something that is your sequined, feathered, beaded bliss!


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